We all need help sometimes
This post is not about photography. It is about a serious topic that I wouldn't normally share with you. Before I begin, I want to clarify, this is not a cry for help or attention. I am getting the necessary support from work and home, but it's something that I feel people should be aware of and should understand. As always, I hope that what is said in this post can be reflected upon by others and help them.
Posts like these always used to make me cringe a little bit, because of the nature of the topic, the stigma that has been placed on the subject and the blatant misuse of the term, for whatever reason that may be, but it still stands as a very serious matter that people need to be more open to acknowledging.
Since November 2017, I have had major changes occur in my life, relative to job, lifestyle, changes in home and more importantly, changes in relationships. Moving back into my parents' house, losing that freedom, losing my 9 year long love, losing the love who came after, these have all had a major impact on my mental state and emotional well-being and because of that, I have been frequently suffering from mood swings, be it anger or upset, suffering emotional breakdowns, being unable to focus on tasks or conversation, generally feeling low about myself and situation, to the extent of standing on a bridge not knowing what will happen next. I still find it difficult to wake up in the morning and continue. I usually just want to go back to bed. But that's all starting to change.
As I write this, I've been granted a few weeks leave from work, valuable time that I am spending by seeing my father more and helping him, working on my car[1], making music[2], and essentially doing anything that will help promote a more positive outlook and energy, whilst helping dismiss the thoughts and feelings that I have been having recently. This time is not being spent moping around and feeling sorry for myself[3].
But this isn't a post about me and how I am doing. I want people to be aware of this and the huge effect it can have on someone's life. So let's say it together, the word that gets thrown around and used so much as an attention-seeking self-diagnosis label, that it's lost all meaning:
Depression.
I used to think it was a fancy word for being down and bummed out. It is not. For months, I didn't want to label myself as depressed because of the stigma that it holds and the rolled eyes I thought I would receive by even suggesting it. The truth is, though, I didn't get the support I have needed until I admitted it to myself and then to others.
Massive changes in your life can have massive effects on the way you think. In my case, I've always returned to the same, harrowing thoughts that I know full well upset me, yet I have done nothing to avoid them. I have been unable to focus on tasks or conversation because of this. I have been unable to make decisions. I don't provide the energetic conversation that I used to and I most certainly haven't been whistling and walking with a smile on my face like my colleagues have known. But that's how my depression has manifested itself and it's important that you understand that depression can manifest itself in a multiple of ways, each specific to the individual. I have known people who have felt withdrawn, but have fought that with being more forwards with people, to hide this new, shy nature, but that in itself is a sign. Self awareness is key[4].
"So I know I'm depressed. What now?" After I accepted the fact, I decided that I needed help. I spoke to someone close to me[5], who helped me vent my thoughts and feelings. By talking to someone and hearing your thoughts in a tangible set of sentences, you can begin understand them better, sometimes even open your eyes a bit[6]. But don't stop there. If that's not enough, seek professional help. I had already known from a past friend that the NHS offer online psychological therapy[7] where you can talk to a qualified therapist in the form of an online chat. My therapist, Ella, was able to help me set weekly goals and further understand my current problems, whilst also being able to analyse past problems that had led to this. I was also lucky enough to have the most supportive management staff in the world, who referred me to our council's Occupational Health team[8] who were then able to grant me this time away from work. However, it goes without saying that you should always contact your GP and talk to them about this. They are qualified professionals too, they know what they are talking about[9].
So before I end, let's just recap a few, unofficial pointers that I hope will help you or help someone you know who may be suffering:
I know this is a great deal of personal information being shared and I know it's nothing to do with my usual photography, but if this can help even one person climb out of the pit they're in, it's worth it.
[1] My baby, a Vauxhall Insignia 2010 CDTi Exclusiv. Yes, it's a businessman's huge saloon, but to me, it's just a gorgeous work of art, with a modern interior, a curvy exterior, lots of space and enough power to shut the chavs up.
[2] Good ol' FarMoor, for those who remember! http;//youtube.com/officialfarmoor
[3] My sincere apologies to the people who claim that's how I should be spending my time. Clearly you know a lot more about this than I do! You know who you are.
[4] Know who you are, what you're like, how you talk, how you act. Any changes can be a sign of depression. In order to start helping yourself, you need to acknowledge these changes.
[5] My best friend, Nathan. I couldn't talk to family or my partner about this, but you may be able to. Just someone you can confide in and trust, but they also need to be someone you know will give a positive reaction and won't brush this under the carpet.
[6] The first time I told Nathan about the feelings I'd had about breaking up with my original partner, I realised how wrong and silly my thoughts were, which helped.
[7] https://eastriding.psychologyonline.co.uk East Riding Psycholoigcal Therapy Service.
[8] These work with the aim of providing necessary support within your work environment specifically.
[9] An example of this is my appointment. Anti-depressants were an option, but he explained the dangers of using them in my specific case and we both agreed it would not be in my best interest to use them at this stage.
[10] Find out the number for the crisis team in your area. If you are having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone if not a professional.
Posts like these always used to make me cringe a little bit, because of the nature of the topic, the stigma that has been placed on the subject and the blatant misuse of the term, for whatever reason that may be, but it still stands as a very serious matter that people need to be more open to acknowledging.
Since November 2017, I have had major changes occur in my life, relative to job, lifestyle, changes in home and more importantly, changes in relationships. Moving back into my parents' house, losing that freedom, losing my 9 year long love, losing the love who came after, these have all had a major impact on my mental state and emotional well-being and because of that, I have been frequently suffering from mood swings, be it anger or upset, suffering emotional breakdowns, being unable to focus on tasks or conversation, generally feeling low about myself and situation, to the extent of standing on a bridge not knowing what will happen next. I still find it difficult to wake up in the morning and continue. I usually just want to go back to bed. But that's all starting to change.
As I write this, I've been granted a few weeks leave from work, valuable time that I am spending by seeing my father more and helping him, working on my car[1], making music[2], and essentially doing anything that will help promote a more positive outlook and energy, whilst helping dismiss the thoughts and feelings that I have been having recently. This time is not being spent moping around and feeling sorry for myself[3].
But this isn't a post about me and how I am doing. I want people to be aware of this and the huge effect it can have on someone's life. So let's say it together, the word that gets thrown around and used so much as an attention-seeking self-diagnosis label, that it's lost all meaning:
Depression.
I used to think it was a fancy word for being down and bummed out. It is not. For months, I didn't want to label myself as depressed because of the stigma that it holds and the rolled eyes I thought I would receive by even suggesting it. The truth is, though, I didn't get the support I have needed until I admitted it to myself and then to others.
Massive changes in your life can have massive effects on the way you think. In my case, I've always returned to the same, harrowing thoughts that I know full well upset me, yet I have done nothing to avoid them. I have been unable to focus on tasks or conversation because of this. I have been unable to make decisions. I don't provide the energetic conversation that I used to and I most certainly haven't been whistling and walking with a smile on my face like my colleagues have known. But that's how my depression has manifested itself and it's important that you understand that depression can manifest itself in a multiple of ways, each specific to the individual. I have known people who have felt withdrawn, but have fought that with being more forwards with people, to hide this new, shy nature, but that in itself is a sign. Self awareness is key[4].
"So I know I'm depressed. What now?" After I accepted the fact, I decided that I needed help. I spoke to someone close to me[5], who helped me vent my thoughts and feelings. By talking to someone and hearing your thoughts in a tangible set of sentences, you can begin understand them better, sometimes even open your eyes a bit[6]. But don't stop there. If that's not enough, seek professional help. I had already known from a past friend that the NHS offer online psychological therapy[7] where you can talk to a qualified therapist in the form of an online chat. My therapist, Ella, was able to help me set weekly goals and further understand my current problems, whilst also being able to analyse past problems that had led to this. I was also lucky enough to have the most supportive management staff in the world, who referred me to our council's Occupational Health team[8] who were then able to grant me this time away from work. However, it goes without saying that you should always contact your GP and talk to them about this. They are qualified professionals too, they know what they are talking about[9].
So before I end, let's just recap a few, unofficial pointers that I hope will help you or help someone you know who may be suffering:
- Know yourself and identify changes
- If you feel you may be depressed, don't fight the idea or go alone.
- Seek professional help and support from close peers.
- Tell someone at work.
- Stay safe[10].
I know this is a great deal of personal information being shared and I know it's nothing to do with my usual photography, but if this can help even one person climb out of the pit they're in, it's worth it.
[1] My baby, a Vauxhall Insignia 2010 CDTi Exclusiv. Yes, it's a businessman's huge saloon, but to me, it's just a gorgeous work of art, with a modern interior, a curvy exterior, lots of space and enough power to shut the chavs up.
[2] Good ol' FarMoor, for those who remember! http;//youtube.com/officialfarmoor
[3] My sincere apologies to the people who claim that's how I should be spending my time. Clearly you know a lot more about this than I do! You know who you are.
[4] Know who you are, what you're like, how you talk, how you act. Any changes can be a sign of depression. In order to start helping yourself, you need to acknowledge these changes.
[5] My best friend, Nathan. I couldn't talk to family or my partner about this, but you may be able to. Just someone you can confide in and trust, but they also need to be someone you know will give a positive reaction and won't brush this under the carpet.
[6] The first time I told Nathan about the feelings I'd had about breaking up with my original partner, I realised how wrong and silly my thoughts were, which helped.
[7] https://eastriding.psychologyonline.co.uk East Riding Psycholoigcal Therapy Service.
[8] These work with the aim of providing necessary support within your work environment specifically.
[9] An example of this is my appointment. Anti-depressants were an option, but he explained the dangers of using them in my specific case and we both agreed it would not be in my best interest to use them at this stage.
[10] Find out the number for the crisis team in your area. If you are having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone if not a professional.
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